Feeling proud

Day Nine: Something that you’re proud of

So yesterday I wrote about my ‘What if?’, so I thought that I would lighten the mood a bit and talk about something that I’m proud of, and that something is the fact that despite all of the disappointment on A Level results day, despite all the self-doubt, I have managed to obtain a degree.

As I said in my last post, I found my A-Level results disappointing. When I saw the results on paper in front of me, I thought that was it, no University for Fiona. Luckily though, I was offered a place on a Foundation year course at my chosen University. When I say luckily, I really do mean that I was very lucky. Talking to people on the course, I think that I had some of the worst results by a mile; it must have been my personal statement that grabbed their attention because I’m certain that it wasn’t my exam results.

I worked hard for the next four years, during the Carmel College year; I had a run in with my old nemesis, Chemistry, as well as Maths, something I thought that I had escaped after my GCSE’s. A word of advice, if you decide to study Biology because it’s the Science that has no Maths in it, think again. Maths continued to haunt me every year since, whether it was forgetting how to work out percentages in my first Quantitative Biology workshop or compiling statistics for my final honours project. But I struggled on. I defeated Chemistry, I mastered differentiation. Alright, I maybe didn’t fulfil my potential, I was painfully close to getting a 2.2, if only I had picked different modules in the first semester of my final year I could have clinched it. But that doesn’t matter so much to me, because the fact is that I know that I tried my best and I think I’ve done alright, considering the 2 E’s and a D at A-level.

The day that I graduated has been one of the best days of my life so far. The sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky. I had to pinch myself as I sat in the Philharmonic Hall, surrounded by my fellow graduates. I was so nervous, the thought of this day kept me going for years and years and now it had finally arrived. Walking across that stage as my name was called, shaking hands with the Dean, collecting my certificates and transcript; I can’t even describe how amazing that felt. Against the odds, I had achieved my lifelong dream; I had a degree from the University of Liverpool.

Every now and then, when I’m feeling low during this job hunt, I get down my certificate, I hold it, and I remember how proud I felt on graduation day.

Fiona McDougall BSc (Hons) Zoology

What if....

Day Eight: Something you always think ‘what if?’ about

I was very proud of the results that I got for my GCSE’s, still am, because that was the last time that I was ever truly happy with my exam results. I decided to stay on to sixth form at the school, I had 5A’s and 5B’s, why should my A-Level results be any different? All my friends were staying on at the schools sixth form and I was able to study the subjects that I wanted to, so why bother moving?

I started back at school in September, happy that I had done the right thing and excited to carry on learning, one step closer of achieving my dream of going to the University of Liverpool to study Veterinary Medicine. But then it all went very wrong. First came the French incident, an argument with the French teacher which led to me dropping out of the French class before the teacher had the chance to kick me out. Then came Chemistry. Science was always the subject that I had been good at, but all of a sudden I was struggling to grasp Chemistry, with French dropped, I had no choice but to persevere with the Chemistry as I wouldn’t be allowed to drop another subject, besides, I needed 3 A-Levels to get in to University. I slowly came to realise that the dream was slipping away from me.

I loved studying Biology and History, but I couldn’t even get decent grades in those subjects either. I decided to lower my expectations, and I applied for Zoology rather than Vet Med, but I stuck with the University of Liverpool, despite efforts from teachers to get me to apply for Universities much lower down the rankings.  A-levels results day was one of the worst of my life, I left Wallasey School with grade E’s in Biology and Chemistry and a grade D in History, and I was bitterly disappointed, even today 5 years on. It was one of the worst feelings, opening that envelope and seeing the grades in front of me on paper. The only thing that saved me from getting a U in Chemistry was good course work, I had failed every Chemistry exam that I took that summer. That leaves me with something that I have wondered about almost every day since I got my A-Level results, what if I had left Wallasey School after my GCSE’s and did my A-Levels elsewhere?

It’s something that I still think about, why didn’t I move. If I had went to a different sixth form, maybe I would have passed, I could have saved myself all that hurt, because it did hurt, it still does. It really knocked my confidence, until then I had believed that everything was possible, but now I doubt all that I do and it haunted me all through University, I couldn’t help but think that I wasn’t as good as everybody else, and I shouldn’t have done, no one should ever have to feel like that. I may have been at University now, living the dream, in my 5^th year of Vet Med.

You might me saying, ‘well if that’s what you wanted to do, why didn’t you just re-sit you’re a-Levels?’. I’m the first person in all of my family to go to University, there was no one else to talk to about it, and the school was eager to push as many people as possible through their sixth form and on to University. I was never given the options to re sit anything, and I was never told that I could move sixth form, I was just pushed through the system. Of course, I know all about that now, and there is no way that I’ll let anyone that I know go through what I went through.

On the other hand, if my A-levels had been better, I would never have went to Carmel College and had such an amazing time there, I would never have met some of my closest friends. But even that doesn’t even it out. I think that if I could, I would go back and save myself some of the pain, because I’m convinced that had I gone elsewhere, I wouldn’t have got those grades, I think I proved that to myself that I was more than capable of doing well during the foundation year when I truly grasped Chemistry, some of the highest grades that I got that year was from Chemistry assessments. I just have to live with it now, and I’ll always ask myself ‘what if?’ because that’s just the sort of person that I am, I don’t forget easily.

All grown up?

Day Seven: A quote you try to live by

‘What’s the point of being grown up, if you can’t be childish sometimes?’

The Fourth Doctor, ‘Robot’, 1975

When I was younger, I couldn’t wait to grow up, as I’m sure that many more would agree. I couldn’t wait to be able to watch whatever I wanted, drive a car, move away from home…. But now I’ve done it, and it’s really not all that it’s cracked up to be if I’m honest.

I stayed at home for the first year of University, travelling to a college in St Helens for my first year after a set of disappointing A-Levels. I met a group of people at the college and in my second year I moved into a house with them. Using my student loan, I decided to delve back into the Doctor Who back catalogue and I started buying some of the older episodes that I hadn’t seen before. One of the episodes was Tom Baker’s first story, ‘Robot’. I settled down to watch, I was taking a break from my studying and a few other adult issues. Then, The Doctor said something that changed my life. ‘What’s the point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes?’

A light bulb went off in my head. What was the point of being grown up if I couldn’t still be childish sometimes? Being a grown up meant the freedom to do whatever I wanted, and what I wanted, what I really wanted was to spend some of my time doing childish things. So I went out to Asda and bought myself a paint pallet and colouring book, and I spent the rest of the evening painting. I loved every second of it.

I watch kids TV now. I LOVE Horrible Histories, then there’s Rasta Mouse, and don’t even get me started on Nuzzle and Scratch. I even still watch the odd Disney movie, something that I stopped doing when I was about 13. I listen to my old music again, something that I stopped doing years ago because it wasn’t considered cool. In fact, I’m much happier now embracing 10 year old Fiona from time to time; than I ever was pretending that I was more grown up than I was. I think that realising that it doesn’t matter what people think, I am who I am, has only helped that. It isn’t me with a problem, it’s them, and if someone can’t accept that I love Doctor Who, or I watch kids TV from time to time, so what? They’re not worth my time. I only wish that I had realised it sooner, it could have saved me years of bother.

It is still with me today, it may only be 3 years on but I know it’s something that I will always keep with me, and I’ll pass it on. Should I ever have kids of my own, I want them to know it too, because it’s important. Being a grown up is scary, so many things to think about, so much responsibility. I think it would drive me mad if I didn’t have my childish indulgences. Especially now that I’m in the not so wonderful world of unemployment. It is nice to have a little time each day to thrown away my grown up chains and watch a cartoon or listen to some music from my childhood, because for that half an hour I can be 10 years old again, without a care in the world, and I think that that’s priceless.

Pass the remote...

Day Six: Favourite TV shows

I love watching the television. There is nothing better than settling down after a hard day to watch a few hours of quality and at times a bit naff television.

By a mile my favourite thing to watch is Doctor Who. It’s something that has always been there, even if it was cancelled in November of the year that I was born. There’s a video of me somewhere, about 5 years old dancing around the room singing the Doctor Who theme tune, talking about the Daleks, even though at that point I’m sure that I had never actually seen an episode.

The first episode that I ever saw was ‘Warriors of the Deep’, a 5^th Doctor story from 1984 which I saw on UK TV Gold one Saturday morning when I was about 10. The part that stuck in my memory was the episodes monster trying to get through a metal door, and by metal I mean foam. The metal/foam door then fell on the leg of the companion, and I fell about laughing as the Doctor tries his very best to life the door from her leg. I’ve been a fan since then.

I rejoiced when the series was revived in 2005, but I had to watch upstairs on a tiny portable television on 26^th March, because heaven forbid the rest of my family missed an episode of Ant and Dec! The revival only made me love it more. My favourite episode of the series so far has been ‘Blink’ which aired on my birthday in 2007, and my Doctor is David Tennant, though Matt Smith grows closer and closer to stealing it with every passing episode.

My love of Doctor Who has led to a love of both of its spin offs, Torchwood and The Sarah Jane Adventures. Torchwood began in 2006 and was more adult than Doctor Who, but if followed a similar formula, and the lead character was Captain Jack, he had too little time in Doctor Who and it was great to see more of his development. With more Torchwood looking unlikely, it would be great to see him in Doctor Who again. A the other end of the spectrum, ‘The Sarah Jane Adventures’ aired on CBBC and stared Elisabeth Sladen reprising the role of seventies companion Sarah Jane Smith. The show was crafted with just as much quality as any other show, despite it being classed as a children’s TV show. I was upset by Elisabeth Sladen’s death, in early 2011 it came as such a shock as no one had known that she was ill, but it made watching the final three episodes even more poignant, and I’m glad that the series ended on a high and the character of Sarah Jane will live on for a long time.

Moving away from Doctor Who another of my favourite television shows may only have lasted for 14 episodes, but each one of them in a corker. Afterlife created by Stephen Volk who also gave the world the infamous Ghost Watch aired on ITV in 2006 and 2007 and centred around psychic Alison Mundy played by Lesley Sharp and a psychology lecturer who decides to write a book about her played by Andrew Lincoln. I was the first adult drama that I have really watched and I became enthralled by the relationship between Alison and Robert. It ended in 2007, and the series finale is still on that never fails to bring a tear to my eye. I won’t spoil it here, but if you haven’t seen it, I really recommend a watch.

I like my Sci Fi and Drama. I watched the first series of Heroes when it was on the Sci Fi channel, I watched it before many of my friends and raved about it, no one else caught onto it for months, but it slowly went downhill and I’ve only seen half of series 3 and none of the fourth series, but that doesn’t take away from the first series being fantastic, I still watch it. Being Human is another Sci Fi favourite, a show about a ghost, werewolf and vampire sharing a house in Bristol doesn’t sound great on paper, but it is fantastic. The second series, not so good, it seemed to get a bit bogged down with religion and a cult, but it was back on form in series three and although series four saw it loose three established characters, it was still just as good and I eagerly await series five I am also a fan of Downton Abbey and Upstairs, Downstairs, old and new, which has been somewhat overshadowed by the ITV juggernaut. Sherlock is another classic in the making, just when you think there is no more that can be done with the great detective, two of the greatest minds behind Doctor Who come up with this television gold. A third series really can't come quickly enough.

Then of course, there is the more unusual television. The guilty pleasures. One of my current guilty pleasures is Embarrassing Bodies where people too afraid to see a doctor in private, go on the television for millions of people to see their problems instead.  There are the gypsy weddings. I think it’s fascinating that they can have such high morals, no sex before marriage, first communion, and yet they are more than happy to have young girls dressed in next to nothing dancing provocatively. Yet, it’s compulsive viewing, and once I start to watch, I really can’t stop. The same goes for Horrible Histories, which returns tomorrow, it's daft, but it makes history fun and I wish that it had been around years ago!

There’s the television that you can watch and you don’t have to think about watching. Things like Snog,marry, avoid. Half an hour of orange madness, a make under show where tan-tastics are turned into natural beauties, again, something that I don’t think I should like, but once you get started, it gets harder and harder to stop. Celebrity Big Brother is another one, seeing celebrities fight with each other and make utter fools of themselves is always funny, though I draw the line at watching the regular Big Brother, I couldn’t care less about a bunch of nobodies wanting a fast track to fame, though you could say the same about Celebrity Big Brother!.

I do draw the line at some things though. I can’t stand the new breed of reality television, the scripted reality. The Only Way is Essex started the trend and it really has gotten out of hand, culminating in the abysmal Desperate Scousewives. Thank goodness there won’t be any more of that! Then there are things like Glee, something that I should love, all the cheese and singing, but I really can’t stand it at all, I find it too cheesy and the characters just the wrong side of annoying, with the exception of Sue, maybe if it was just about her it would be watchable. One Born Every Minute is another turn off, I don’t get why people would watch it, I don’t want to see a bunch of random women giving birth, people say the cry watching it and that it’s heart-warming, but it’s really not something that I would watch, and that is saying something!

Music, music, music

Day Five: Put your i-pod on shuffle and talk about the first 10 songs that come up

Last Friday Night (T. G. I. F.) –Katy Perry

Yeah we danced on table tops and we took too many shots…

I love this song, ridiculously catchy; I listen to it all the time, and sing and dance along (badly). It reminds me of all the good times that I’ve had on nights out with friends and it certainly seems to describe the events pretty accurately.

If I can’t have you – YvonneElliman

Am I strong enough to see it through? Go crazy is what I will do…

One of the first musicals that I went to go and see at the theatre was Saturday Night Fever when I was about 15 and I fell in love with this song. Again, one that I can’t help singing along to. It sums up how I’ve felt a few times.

Little Amy – Murray Gold

The first of much music from Doctor Who on my i-pod. This piece is so lovely; it’s a young Amelia Pond waiting for the Doctor. It makes me think and it’s often one of the songs that I listened to during NaNoWriMo when I was writing some parts that involved my main characters being children, because it does make me think about when I was younger.

Type 40 – Chameleon Circuit

Last Type 40 in the Universe, but there’s still so much to see…

More Doctor Who, Chameleon Circuit is a Trock – Time Lord Rock band and this song is about the TARDIS itself. I think that writing songs about Doctor Who is genius, and they’re so damn catchy, it’s a bit of a geeky pleasure, and it reminds me how cool it would be if there really was a TARDIS…

Somebody that I used to Know –Gotye

I don’t even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough…

This song seems to be following me about lately, every time I turn on a music channel or my i-pod, its there! I think the reason that it’s so popular is that you can relate to it, I know how he feels, it’s happened to me. When it comes on, I imagine that I’m singing it to someone, telling them how I feel, and it’s made me feel better about the situation.

Born this way – Lady Gaga

I love my life, I love this record, Mi amore vole fe yah…

I remember hearing this for the first time on the radio, I was doubting myself and feeling low, but hearing this made me realise that none of that mattered. And now, whenever I’m starting to feel like that again, I play this song.

Vienna – Ultravox

The warmth of your hand and the cold grey sky, it fades to the distance

This is a song that I first heard during the first episode of ‘Ashes to Ashes’, when Alex finds herself in 1981. Really not something that I would have expected to like, but it pulled me in and I had to download it, along with a lot of other eighties music. I don’t really know what the lyrics mean if I’m honest, but it’s sung with such feeling that I don’t think it matters.

I’m Yours – Jason Mraz

Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love love

This song always seems to be on the radio, and it cheers me up. Not much to it really!

Doomsday – Murray Gold

This is the music that plays as Rose makes her way to Bad Wolf Bay in the ‘Doomsday’ episode of Doctor Who (Also seen in my last post). Again, another piece that I love, the scene on the television wouldn’t be the same without this music and even now hearing this music still makes me tear up a little. I think it’s really powerful and some of the best music that’s appeared on the show. Doctor Who just wouldn’t be the same without Murray’s music.

Loving you Hurts – The Musgraves

Loving you hurts, loving you aches, loving you burns, loving you chaifs…

The Musgraves are an unsigned band, and I first heard about them when they appeared on the Graham Norton show a few weeks back, and since them, I can’t stop listening to them. This song is about being in love with someone, but is more about the difficulties. The Musgraves manage to take something that’s a bit dark and turn it around into such a happy tune; it just gets stuck in your head! I recommend that you go out and listen to them right now!

And that’s it, a taste of my i-pod

'Round the world

Day Four: Five places that you want to visit.

I haven’t really travelled much, not even around my own country! The furthest away that I’ve ever been is Turkey, and I can probably count the cities in the UK that I’ve visited on my fingers. It’s not that I don’t want to travel more; it’s just that I’ve never really had the chance to. Or the money, which is sort of important too.

The place the first springs to my mind when I think of places that I would like to visit is New York. I have never been to America, and this is the first place that I would visit given the chance. It’s the place that I’ve wanted to go to for years, I was rather jealous when my Dad got the chance to go with work a few years back, but I’ll get my chance! My earliest memory of wanting to visit New York was from watching the film ‘Balto’, the opening scene of the film is an old woman looking for the statue of the famous dog in Central Park, all that I wanted to do was go and find the statue for myself, so it would be a crime against my inner child not to find it!

Then of course, there are all of the classic sites, Empire State Building, Times Square, Statue of Liberty, Broadway, Carrie Bradshaw’s Apartment….. The list could go on forever! I would end it by having some of what ever Sally was having at Katz’s Delicatessen.

I’ve only been to London once, and that was when I was about ten, and I don’t really remember much, other than somehow we managed to get lost driving around the city, but ended up driving right past Buckingham Palace. So I would love to visit again now that I’m old enough to appreciate it. Stop number one would be Baker Street. Thanks to ‘Sherlock’ I’ve really gotten into the adventures of Sherlock Holmes, working my way through Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s brick of a book, so I would like to see that.

I would also like to see the Tower of London; I love the history of the place, and all the stories about people that have had a somewhat unpleasant stay there. There would be the shops too, I’ve only ever seen the outside of Harrods so I wouldn’t mind going inside.

Staying in the UK, Cardiff would be next on the list. Purely for the Doctor Who connection, I would love to visit some of the locations where my favourite television show is made. I would have to have my picture taken everywhere! Stand on the Rift and hope that the TARDIS will stop by. Outside the city centre, I would have to visit Southerndown beach, Rose said goodbye to the Doctor in ‘Doomsday’ and ‘Journeys End’, two of my favourite scenes.

Australia. Nowhere in particular, just the whole place. I love it. I would like to dive in the Great Barrier Reef, and see Ayres Rock, maybe even hold a Koala Bear or see a Duck Billed Platypus. Then there would be the MasterChef Australia kitchen, that would be awesome, I love that show. I would end up visiting Fenix or The Press Club, restaurants owned by the presenters, George and Gary

To finish off, Florida or more specifically, the theme parks. I went to Disney Land, Paris a few months after it opened and four times in total, but I’ve never gone to the one in Florida, so I would love to indulge the inner child and drop by there for a visit.

If I could get to visit all those places, I would be very happy indeed! =D

Table for Ten

Day Three: Name 10 people that you would like to invite to dinner.

First on the list, JK Rowling. I got my first Harry Potter book for Christmas ’99, though Father Christmas didn’t realise that there was an order to the books and got me Chamber of Secrets! I read that book over and over again, and although I had always read books, this is the first book that really captured my imagination. JK Rowling is an inspiration to me, she had nothing, she lived in a council flat, lived of benefits, faced depression. But she came through all that and against all odds; she’s now one of the most successful women ever. I would like to ask her more about the Harry Potter world, and just tell her how her books have changed my life.

David Attenborough would be next on the list. One of my earliest television memories is watching Wildlife on One, it was one of the only times that I was allowed to stay up past my bedtime when I was little, along with the nights that Animal Hospital was on the television. These programmes encouraged my love for the natural world, and such programmes by David Attenborough inspired me to study Zoology at University. The man is a legend as far as I’m concerned. He has a career spanning decades and even today in his eighties he is still out there, seeing the world. I would love to follow in his footsteps, and see some of the things that he’s seen. I would love to meet him so that I could ask him all about his adventures. Watch out Attenborough, I’m after your job!

I would love to see Attenborough meet Charles Darwin, so Darwin would be invited. He was a genius, end of. Even when people put him down, laughing at his theories, he still kept going, knowing that he was right. I would talk to him more about his theories and his voyage on the Beagle. I would also ask him for a reference, I’m sure that that would get me a job!

One of my favourite actresses would have to come. Lesley Sharp played Alison Mundy in afterlife, a television show that despite being brilliant was axed after 2 series. When I found out that afterlife had been cancelled, I was gutted. It had just ended. I had so many questions about Lesley’s character, and it was such questions that inspired me to write my first bit of fiction. It was the first time that I had ever written a story in my entire life. If it wasn’t for Lesley’s portrayal of Alison, I may never have discovered the joy of writing.

Couldn’t have my favourite actress without my favourite actor, David Tennant. He’s probably most famous for playing the 10^th Doctor in Doctor Who, and that was how I came to know of his work. Since then, I’ve seen everything that he’s been in. I think he is fabulous. He’s so energetic, and he brings so much energy to the roles that he plays. He is my Doctor. I was so sad to see him go, announcing his departure live on television at the National Television Awards, what a way to go! I know that he’s a fellow Whovian, something that I think added to his portrayal of the Doctor; I would probably just spend all night talking to him about Doctor Who and his other acting work.

Keeping on a Doctor Who theme, the current head writer and executive producer, Steven Moffat. I think that he’s written some of the best episodes of Doctor Who since the return in 2005 and of course he co-created the fabulous Sherlock, anyone that hasn’t seen it really must. I would love to find out how he comes up with his ideas, as well as pitch him some of my own, and convince him that he should definitely cast me as the next companion. And once he had had enough wine, I would have to get how Sherlock managed to survive jumping at the end of series 2!

Golf is something that I’ve only recently discovered that I quite like to watch, and its thanks in most parts to BubbaWatson. He’s someone that likes to goof around a bit and seeing what he's been up to brightens my day. The Golf Boys is a good example of that (He's the one in denim). I’m not particularly religious, I’m of the school of thought that Richard Dawkins sort of has a point, but I do think that the Bible can be quite inspirational, and Bubba seems to find all the best bits. Seeing him tweet the odd Bible quote gives me a bit of hope in what is a bit of a rough patch for me. Lastly, the man ownsthe General Lee, the actual General Lee. What’s not to Love?! Bubba to win The Masters this weekend!

Lady GaGa is my favourite singer. I love her music and I think that she’s inspirational. She’s out there, flamboyant, and she just doesn’t seem to care what people think of her. You can tell that she loves her fans and she doesn’t take her fame for granted. I can’t wait to go and see her on the Born This Way Ball Tour; hopefully I’ll be able to get a ticket.

Adele is another favourite of mine. She really sings from the heart, and her songs have so much meaning to them, you can really relate to them. She always seems like a laugh in interviews and I think it would be great to meet her.

And to end the list, Jono Lancaster. Jono has Teacher Collins Syndrome, and I saw him on a television show a couple of years ago. He spoke about the problems that he has faced due to TCS and how he has overcome them. He does a lot of charity work, and again, I just think that he’s really inspirational. If you’ve not seen any of his shows, I really recommend that you give them a look.