Phobia

Day Twelve: Write about things that scare you

Spiders? Not a problem. Heights? Not a problem. Flying? Not a problem. Some people seem to think that I’m fearless, I like to think I’m fearless, but I’m not. In fact, I would rather be afraid of those things than the two phobias that I do have. I know that phobia’s are irrational, but my two really are pushing it a step too far.

The first is needles, can’t stand them, just the thought of them brings me out in a cold sweat and I feel sick to my stomach. It’s stupid, I know. You need to get needles to protect against disease and I have had them all done, but it’s not for want of trying to get away from them. I had to have a blood test and it was my worst nightmare, they had to restrain me in the chair as the nurse poked around trying to find a vein, which hasn’t helped one bit. Horrible. The fear is so bad that it puts me off having children because that would mean having more needles and I’m terrified every time that I visit the dentist in case I’m told that I need to have a root canal or teeth removed. On the upside, I take excellent care of my teeth. It’s a phobia out of control and I have no idea what to do. In theory it shouldn’t be a problem. In my first post, there’s a picture of my using a needle to tag a mouse. That was a massive step for me. When I started, I was terrified to even touch the needles, I did a pretty damn good of hiding it though, So maybe that’s helped me out, I don’t suppose that I’ll know until the time comes for me to have more needles. But that’s not even the worst of my phobias.

Answering the telephone, it should be easy. Not when you find yourself feeling sick to the stomach every time the phone rings. It’s a real struggle to answer if I don’t know who’s on the other end. If it wasn’t for caller display I don’t know what I would do. Once I’ve plucked up the courage to answer, it’s OK, I can muddle through, and anyone that I’ve spoken to over the phone at work has told me that I have a lovely telephone manner. It’s being the one to make the phone call that’s the bigger problem, it should be simple, I watch my friends and family do it without thinking twice, given the choice, I avoid making phone calls. Again, a phobia that’s getting out of control, but I’m taking steps to try and stamp it out. If I have to make a call, I go somewhere quiet and I keep some prompts with me, I make a note of the things that I need to say and that helps out quite a bit. I hope to make a phone call in the week about some voluntary work, once I’ve built up my courage and prepared my little crib sheet.

More rationally, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to find a job that I like. I can think of nothing worse than having to spend the rest of my life either unemployed or in a job that I detest.  This fear isn’t helped by the constant refusal for every job that I’ve applied for so far. I know that if someone gave me chance, I could prove to them what a good worker that I am, and I will prove it once someone offers me an interview.